My Magical Girl Origin Story
I vividly recall the day I was taken away. It happened, of all places, at Universal Studios—specifically in the Harry Potter Theme Park. At some point during the incident, I remember them asking if it was time to visit Madame Pomfrey, the "Hogwarts Nurse."
The irony is not lost on me.
But let's rewind.
Prior to that point, I'd been living with severe chronic head pain that occurred in 2014 during what's considered the start of the BLM movement.
Imagine turning on the stove eye, gas or electric - makes no difference. Then imagine throwing your hand on the eye, and being unable to take your hand away despite wanting to. Now, put that pain in the center of your head. That's what I was dealing with.
I lived with the unfathomable head pain for 6 years. Having entered not only normal therapy, but rigorous and intense therapy 2x a week. Not once did my white therapist tell me I am showing symptoms of having been traumatized by, well, The United States killing Black people, and broadcasting it over and over on television.
Not once did my therapist say I had CPTSD from The United States general treatment of Black life. My severe, and un-ending chronic head pain was attributed to nothing, in her opinion.
Just a random onset of symptoms that descended on me at the exact same time of the Ferguson killing, and subsequent uprising, for no reason in particular - despite having told her of my deep grief surrounding Black life and my people.
So, for 6 years I lived in agony, taking frequent trips to the ER, where I was given a clean bill of health over and over - every time. From throwing up in my own lap from pain, to bone rattling shivers & panic attacks - no test showed any "biomarkers" that anything was "wrong" with me. This left our healthcare system stumped.
Now however, I know better.
I was being euthanized slowly by life here on Earth as it relates to Blackness.
I was dying spiritually - something I didn't believe in at the time. Having grown up in a white Catholic church from kindergarten through 8th grade, and attending a Black Methodist church on weekends, my life and psyche were split between two "Gods." And, as far as I could tell, neither of them ever heard or served me.
It wasn't long before I became a nihilist—angry, seething, and foaming at the mouth at a world that seemed to unilaterally and globally despise what I am, and my people.
Black.
I believed I was merely a sack of dead flesh, and a victim of life. After all, that's what I'd been told, that’s what my college education had said, that’s what other Black folk had said, and that's what I had seen — even though deep down those thoughts didn't align with how I really felt.
After 6 years of fruitless ER visits, and specialist appointments, the already unbearable pain—which left no trace and seemingly had no cause—only worsened.
It was at this moment, I finally reached a crucial turning point.
I faced two choices: end my own life—an option I couldn't bear to inflict on my parents — or take a single step outside the colonial health framework that had left me suffering in complete unfathomable agony for six years.
Having hit rock bottom, and driven by my deep love for my parents, I decided to try something "woo-woo"— a concept I had no faith in and was certain was a hoax. I attempted a mantra from a book my mentor had given me at the time.
"How could mere words possibly help me?" I thought. It was absurd. But my life had arrived here: I had a choice between trying something—anything—or ending my life.
The mantra in the book was, "I let go of what no longer serves me."
Kneeling in my room with closed eyes, I chanted "I let go of what no longer serves me" repeatedly.
Within five minutes, I felt a pop! above my head, as if something had blown through me. I looked down, expecting to see that something had fallen from me, but there was nothing there.
In that instant, my six-year head pain vanished.
With the blockage cleared, my Cosmic Consciousness awakened and came online, almost like Sailor Moon transforming.
What followed was your typical, run-of-the-mill spiritual awakening—if such a thing can be said of spiritual awakenings. It’s when you realize you exist outside of the limitations of duality, and the physical world of what you can perceive. t is so common to our species, it's called a Kundalini awakening, and it's something we absolutely need to start talking about en-masse.
The West, as with most things, is the last to know or take real unified action on this. (Thanks colonizers!)
Immediately, I intrinsically understood that:
There is one source creator, and I am the creator of my own reality.
Everything in my life has been for my highest and greatest good.
We are all reflections of each other.
We are all complete fractals of one eternal source.
We are "bodies of light" condensed down through dimensions into “physical” form.
I am, quite literally, a star be-ing—a living, conscious star.
Time is not linear.
There are beings in multiple dimensions aware of us.
This information is held by beings of both "good" and "bad" polarity.
There is information available/stored at different frequencies.
These multiple dimensions are always with us.
A ton of things in our world are backwards due to separating the "spiritual" from "science".
This state of consciousness—which the modern colonial medical healthcare system would label "psychosis"—lasted quite a while, around 3-4 weeks.
By the fourth week, because I didn't know how to ground myself, I left "this reality" to a greater degree than I could manage without support. Wandering around Harry Potter World, I was recognizing its occult nature. An ambulance was called, I was taken to a hospital, and then transferred to a mental health facility for a brief 3-day grippy sock vacation. They administered medication, and I quickly realized I needed to play along with their psychiatric approach to secure my release from the unit.
I followed their rules, did my coloring, played outside, led some stretches, and, upon leaving, immediately sought spiritual practitioners who could help me make sense of, and affirm my experiences from the past four weeks. When I found those practitioners, they welcomed me home.
This awakening occurred in 2019. I've spent six years since then delving deeper, reading works by Neville Goddard, exploring spiritual texts, and processing this awakening that not only gave me my life back free of pain, but lifted and freed my awareness and perception of reality. Only recently have I been able to articulate what I've just shared with you, and even find humor in the journey.
I am a living embodiment of a magical girl transformation—moving from a colonial, dead, distorted, fractured, 3D way of being, to connecting with the ancestral, celestial, & eternal source Creator that colonialism intentionally and deliberately stripped from us.
This shift literally saved my physical incarnation and, as Dr. Jennifer Mullan of Decolonizing Therapy would put it, restored my Spirit Loss.
Now, I speak about how I timeline jumped, or, received a "miracle"— the alleviation of an affliction brought on entirely by colonialism — and highlight how backwards our healthcare system (and current reality) truly is. The state of it all is really a crying shame.
I've dedicated my life to helping nerds move from player to programmer of their reality with Crystal Case Apothecary where I serve as a bridge for people to go from the material world to working with, and reclaiming the ethereal.
To help people make the connection, I created the first celestial inspired medicine case for magical beings, called The Planetary Pill Case. It reminds us we are more than our physical bodies, and that we need to take care of our light body, and spirit body as well in this journey of life which is actually way more magical than we’ve been led to believe.